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Tuesday 30 March 2021

DEPRESSED, LOST AND NOT MYSELF




 Over the past couple of months I have felt extremely low and lost myself amongst the panic, mayhem and lonely isolation. I am not one to talk or even reveal my true feelings or thoughts. However I would like anyone who has felt something similar to me, to know that you are not alone, as these feelings are valid through a global pandemic. Everyone has different ways of coping. I am sure we all have good days and bad days. Equally many of us have gone through cycles and stages of motivation levels that have flourished or dipped as the lockdown wears us all down. 

It may seem unusual to some, however I just felt nothing. I felt so numb.. like there was nothing inside, I didn't know who I was, how to react in social situations and what was normal to feel. Life was like staring at a blank piece of paper for hours on end. I was stuck in a rut of waking up, commuting, working, eating and going to bed, then repeat and repeat.. and repeat. The moment I opened my eyes it was time to go to work, time ticked away then it was time to go to sleep. I know most people would react 'thats life' or 'that's what happens when you are a grown up.' However all of the events and things in between working make life for living, bringing joy to life. 

Attempting to explain not being able to feel anything is so difficult and I know getting back to my true self will be even more difficult (especially without being thrown into social situations). I know everyone is struggling which makes me feel like I shouldn't be complaining, I should just get on although it has not been that easy. We all cope differently and never having experienced a global pandemic, a lockdown and not being amongst it all is a STRUGGLE.

On my days off I struggled to get out of bed, I felt exhausted and like I couldn't face the world, let alone go outside. Living with ME did not help this at all, the exhaustion was too real, to faint to rise from bed, like someone was standing on my chest and I didn't have the strength to fight it. 

Anything I had previously enjoyed or had a passion for did not spark anything for me, I just felt as if I was existing. When someone asked me how I was; I'd just automatically respond with 'fine' even if I wasn't. To be honest I didn't want to think about it or to feel those emotions I had suppressed down. I feared they would be too much to handle and it was better to feel nothing than opening that door. I had nothing to look forward too and nothing else to do. (I know there was hobbies, skills, walks, films, zooms, however when you are in that state there is no interest or excitement to participate).

There is fear of going back into the world and not being able to fit in or feel comfortable. Getting used to this life has been incredibly hard for everyone and now this is starting to feel like the new normal. Everything will have to change and we will all have to adapt again. We have been so use to giving people 1M space, that the rush of everyday life can cause panic. Going from being around very few people, to facing queues, crowds and being pushed about in public is an uneasy feeling for people with anxiety. The streets will go from empty too packed. However anxiety will kick in and become overwhelming on my mind as there becomes too many people in a room, a situation or environment.

We've all done incredibly well and should applaud and celebrate ourselves, knowing we have gone through this, we are tougher than we thought and we CAN do this. Appreciating those things in life and remembering we should celebrate those accomplishments no matter how big or small. 

The awful sinking feeling inside of me is still there, compared to the smile you see on Instagram and I know my true self will eventually come back. I just don't know when and feel like I am the only one not ready to rejoin society as the lockdown lifts. So much is hidden behind a photo posted to social media compared to what is felt in real life. 

I think it is really important to be able to talk about mental health struggles and not to be ashamed of what we may be feeling in that moment. The more we hide away and struggle alone, the worse it can become. 

Tishhlah x

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Monday 25 January 2021

MY H&M HOME WISH LIST

 Happy Monday! 

I have always adored H&M homeware! Especially now I have the freedom to decorate my home and pull each of the pieces together room by room. Whenever I scroll through Instagram, I constantly spot H&M vases that become on trend and sell out products. I am often drawn to H&M home for the on trend minimal pieces with the affordable price points for beautiful interior. The collections are very thought out and it appears all of the pieces have been designed to fit together throughout seasons for ongoing continuous purchases from their customers. Equally the colour schemes often include monochrome, pastels, greys and blues. I love these tones and find something so calming when the pantones all compliment each other in a room. 

Before the pandemic I loved exploring the homeware stores and found so much more character within the layouts which often inspires new interior ideas, compared to the neutral minimal pieces online. However I find the H&M website easy to use, clear and aesthetically pleasing. The benefit from shopping online is reading real peoples reviews or viewing their own images of the products, before a purchase is made. Better yet the free returns when the product isn't quite right. This all might sound like an ad but I just love H&M homeware ahah!

 THE BEDDING  


Bottom Right // Cotton duvet set £29.99.

 THE DECORATION  

 
Bottom Left // 
Bottom Right // Ceramic plant pot £12.99


Bottom Left // Glass table lamp £69.99

 THE CUSHION COVERS  


Bottom Left //

 THE DINNERWARE & TABLEWARE  


Top Left // 4 pack ceramic cups £6.99 
Bottom Right // Glass teapot £19.99

  Love Tishhlah x  

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Saturday 16 January 2021

TRANSFORMING MY LIVING ROOM


Happy New Year!

This year has not gone to anyone's plans so far, however we shall all look forward. Towards positivity, new beginnings and creating new memories. This last year has brought some new memories for my partner and I where we finally moved in together. A fresh start and chance to decorate our home together, on a budget I might add. Through the pandemic and starting a new part time job, we were certainly low on £££s. Our inspiration grew towards our love for plants, wooden textures and cosy feels.


Let the home shopping begin! 

We mostly purchased second hand furniture and we were really happy to choose a sustainable method in our home. The hunt began in charity shops, Facebook marketplace and eBay. Sourcing amazing local furniture
 that just needed a new home or small fix up. We're letting the living room develop and go towards things we love and come across. Our colour palette is progressing towards greens, pinks and greys and I must say it's a dreamy colour palette.

// Two tall shelves 2 for £18.00 - Second hand


I love our double french doors allowing us to just step out to our garden and having that outside space was very important to me when we were searching for a property. I've always loved the outdoors and when I was growing up I really took for granted having the ability to step out to rural fields. With the pandemic we knew a garden would be very valuable for us, especially in summer to have a bliss space to enjoy. We're hoping to decorate the space and transform it into a cosy area for summer days and evenings. 


// TV stand £5.00 - Second hand


// Grey rug £34.99 - Wayfair
// Dresser cabinet £20.00 - Second hand

The yellow arm chair came with the property and if you know me, it's not a colour I would have chosen as it stands out quite a bit. It is however a statement piece that brings colour to the room and matches the curtains.

// Yellow armchair - Ikea


This layout has since been changed as it felt too messy and random for me with the varied layout and colours. I love having shelves to display my favourite magazines, plants, arty objects or pieces i find.

Now the tree has been taken down from the side table, I am excited to see what this corner has in store and what we will do with the space. Most likely it will be taken up with plants, however I am on the hunt for a giant over exaggerated side table lamp. 

// Black table and four chairs £10 - Second hand


I love this clean and calming corner of the room even though I wouldn't of chosen black table and chairs and think it comes across quite harsh, it was such a good deal to pass when we were in need of a table. I have been searching for pale pink or white linen tablecloth to mute it down slightly and found these cushion covers from Ikea. In the future it may be a possible DIY project to develop this table and chairs into a new colour, who knows!

I like to keep the coffee table clear and minimal for its purpose to change day to day with just a little greenery and its a prime spot for them to be exposed to sunlight.

// Cushion covers £5.00 each - Ikea
// Lamp - Iconic lights
// Flowers stems £2.50 each - Tkmaxx
// Glass vase - Tkmaxx
// Plants - Tesco


// Pink vase - Ikea
// Grey plant pot - Garden centre
// Real plants inc aloe vera,  cactus etc. - garden centre
// Terracotta pots hand painted by me 
// Small grey plant pot - H&M
// Mini Christmas tree - Tesco
// Tall black vase - H&M





Although the living room currently looks like this, I'm always falling in love with new pieces, plants or homeware to add in our room to vary the look. I was also thinking when the weather is a little warmer to paint the shelves to brighten up the room a little. 

We've done our whole house on a tight budget and what's been available at the time, Ikea has certainly been out of stock of everything through the pandemic! We'd love to put some pictures or prints on the wall, however with renting that can make things a little tricky. I desire to have a long thin shelf filled with frames. I cannot wait to have a home of my own to have the freedom to create and work on things I love with colours and all the nails on the wall i like.

Love tishhlah x


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Sunday 20 December 2020

Painting my own Christmas Baubles

 

Hello! I hope everyone is safe and surviving through everything that has been going on and coping as well as you possibly can. Even though this year is very different for some people, i hope you are getting into the festive spirit and have time to spend or face time with your loved ones. I decided to get creative this year by painting my own Christmas tree decorations. I love and have been supporting small businesses this year with all of their beautiful products. Although this year i had a vision of what i'd like on my tree but unfortunately i could not find what i was looking for. I has a desire for a combination of pink and green decorations which i haven't seen around. I mostly searched online as that was the safest option, however i just could not find what i was after. I really love the authenticity of homemade decorations and decided to avoid plastic this year. 

The majority of hobby crafts site was out of stock, though i did manage to find some plain ceramic and wooden pieces ready to decorate. I mostly just got stuck in by creating little prints, styles i love and i even attempted a snow scene. Let's just say i did my best and was happy with the overall outcome, just don't look too closely!
I finished all of my baubles with some Mod Podge, however i did think it smudged or blurred some of my designs. This is a case of testing, learning and practising what works best with the materials.

 | The overall outcome. |


I added some chiffon grey ribbon with a tied end to hang on the Christmas tree. My inspiration was to keep it simple yet cute, i am quite excited to share this as it is my first tree in my own home this year to show off and would love to share some festive happiness.


I hope you enjoyed seeing what i have been up too and my creative input this festive season, it was very therapeutic. Except when i was too impatient to wait for the paint to dry ahah.

Which bauble is your favourite? Are you excited for Christmas yet? 
Are you feeling festive?



I wish you all a Merry Christmas and enjoy all of the love, food and new traditions on the day! Please all stay safe and look after yourselves. I am always here if you need to talk or rant.

Love Tishhlah x



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Saturday 12 October 2019

I made a magazine and sold it




 As if I have not gone on about it enough, in case you were not bombarded on social media, this is the magazine I made. Boy has it been a whirl wind of a journey and I have enjoyed it all of the way. It is eventually kicking in all that I have achieved and that I can be proud of myself. All of the amazing readers have let me know how inspired they are and how much they love the magazine. When this happens, I could not be happier that people let me know how much it meant to them. The magazine has inspired everyone in all different kinds of ways and I have loved hearing about it. Not only that but amazing readers have gone and posted about Juniper on their social media meaning that their followers hear about the magazine too. People have messaged the magazine Instagram telling me that they saw the magazine in Baths Magalleria magazine shop which blew my mind.




 The aim: 
Juniper aims to inspire and motivate creativity inside young minds. The publication is driven by creative freedom and the inspiration around them. It aims to showcase new artists, writers and everyday talented people. Juniper is more than just a magazine it is a place to inspire and drive people to do what they love. 

Someone said something to me the other day that stuck with me ‘we need more woman like you who aren’t afraid to talk about what it is like as a female in business and if you want something, you have to go out and get it.' That is exactly what I did. At first, I made the magazine for me and my university course as that is something I have always wanted to do. In hopes I could share these amazing contributors’ talent; in order to inspire creativity within. Of course I could not have done It without the contributors and being able to work together creating shoots and sharing their amazing work could not make me prouder. However I never realised I would be here selling it, if that would even be possible, if anyone would ever want to read it. Something I had to do was back and believe in myself which takes courage and strength. I have always believed in others and people I know when I may not even believe in myself. 


The self-publication industry can be seen as ‘dying’ because everything is online, which can make it even more competitive and difficult to enter. Yet I adore having something physical in my hand or on my shelf whilst being able to flick through the pages of something I love. Not to mention print is an incredibly expensive thing meaning it would be impossible to break even. I did not set out to make money, but I did not want to break my own bank in the process. Although that did not stop me there, I recreated the whole magazine into an A5 size (originally A4 size) and had to cut some things out in order to bring costs down to make it affordable for many. It took months of me going into the document every day, even when it had been finished for months, constantly changing and tweaking small things until I was completely happy with it. It is still hard for me to look at without seeing things I would change (really need to stop being so hard on myself). 


Now for the cheesy part to empower some drive within. If you are thinking of doing something, but something is stopping you, do it. You will not get anywhere or know where you could be until you try. You will not get anywhere if once you are knocked down, you don't get back up. Sometimes you cannot see where something will go or see an easy way, however the best things are never easy. Something that is worth it, is worth putting all the effort you have in, even when things go wrong. If you set your mind to something, you will achieve it or something better will come along. You are amazing and can achieve more than you know. 

Feel free to check out the instagram for more information, inside contents and leaks of issue 01 @juniper_magazine_or to even purchase issue 01. 






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Saturday 20 April 2019

5 deadline top tips



 Are you currently drowning in university deadlines or any academic pressures and workloads? Have no fear I am here with these motivational tips as I am currently inspired by BeyoncĂ©’s Netflix documentary ‘homecoming’. She is a true queen who has achieved a great deal for herself in order to empower other women. 


 Never leave it to Last Minute 

If you are doing a coursework-based degree and definitely if you are doing a fashion degree, you will always have non-stop work. It is far better to keep on track and be doing work every single day, to keep inspired and passionate about your work, not only that but it will always be non-stop. Therefore, you will never be able to complete it to the best standard if you leave it too last minute. From my experience I had to leave several days before my deadline to allow for printing time as they can take up too 48 hours and then there may be an issue with the end product. In third year I was doing work from 10am in the morning till 9/10pm at night, with breaks of course. 


Stay Motivated 

Whether you work best getting up early and getting stuck in or like to eat something, go for a walk and do something you love before you start. Figure out what works best for you to ensure you will be productive. The way I normally work is to sit in a room alone, to prevent any possible distraction. However that can become repetitive and mixing it up helps creativity, for example working with friends, going into uni, sitting in the library or a coffee shop. Therefore you won’t be dragged down by the same boring schedule every day. 


Be Inspired 

A truly important thing in life is to be inspired by what you do. Especially in third year, make sure you do something you love, and it is exactly what you are interested in. When you are working on a module everyday it is important you make it your own and it is something you are passionate about. For example your dissertation really should be something you have a strong interest in as you will be researching the topic for months and need a two sided conversation on the matter. A way to get through uni even when it gets rough, is to remember why you it is worth the thousands of pounds debt and that deep down you love what you chose to do. 


STRESS

Anyone who cares about uni, will get stressed at some point even if it impacts everyone differently. It is important you look after yourself and take into consideration your mental health as uni can be hard. It can be so easy to become overworked and ill, so you will need to learn how to pace yourself and too survive the stress. There are different strategies to dealing with stress. Taking breaks is really important when you get stuck in a rut or need a mental rest where you can leave the house for fresh air, eat, binge watch or exercise to increase endorphins and positivity for the mind.
Yoga will relax your mind as well as the body, equally the body can spasm and become tight when stress takes place. Knowing when to stop is essential to wind down and be able to sleep at night. I personally cannot pull off all-nighters anymore as I really need sleep to function, not only that but anything I produce after 11pm will be utter shit. Baths are essential for feeling better health wise, taking deep breaths, attempting to clear the mind and staying calm. The calm and headspace app can also help to clear your mind and steady the breathing if you suffer from panic attacks. 


Being Chill

No one should ever have to go through work and no play. You’re young and deserve to have some fun, blow off some steam and forget about your worries. Make time to see your friends chill out or go mad and get drunk, enjoy your life and make sure you have a social life. A great motivation is rewarding yourself after completing a certain amount of work, knowing you can do something you love once its done. 

Headband // Topshop
Dress // Mint Velvet
Jumper // Pretty Little Thing
Bag // Topshop
Boots // Topshop 


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Saturday 16 March 2019

There's already too many bloggers, so you can't be a blogger as well






The blogger industry has taken a storm for the new generation to express a whole new creativity in a way that they love. ‘Do a job you love, and you never have to work a day in your life’. And it has begun, so many people are creative and when you love something, it doesn’t feel like work. Which is why I think so many people want to do it. I am no way in suggesting the whole creative industry of blogging, YouTube and Instagram isn’t hard work. You will have to put all of your time and effort into it (not speaking from experience). However it isn’t a boring office job where you have to sit at that desk all day or a highly demanding stressful job. 

I have to admit, you can see the appeal and why so many creative new millennials do not want to be stuck at a job they hate, when they can start blogging or a YouTube channel. It can be degrading trying to make it in the creative world as it is so competitive, there is always fashion intern jobs where you have to work for free just to get your foot in the door. Working a twelve-hour day with no wage, running around London just to complete the tasks given. Only to hope you did a better job than the other interns and they will offer you a position. Or of course you can go down the university route, but you will also rack up thousands of pounds worth of debt. 

We can only assume Youtubers earn a fair amount as every youtuber is different and it all can depend. However when they flash their new cars, house tours and designer item hauls. We can assume they must be doing alright. Anyone my age can be doing forty hours a week and still barely afford to move out of their parents’ home. For a start there is no boss telling you what to do, as you are your own boss. It will mean you need to be self-motivated and passionate to pursue your own targets, however it has paid off for many bloggers out there. Even if it started out as a hobby, people have made careers out of it, bossing it, having fancy brunches and fun throughout the day. Can it get much better than that?

The new generation are doing it right, as most kids are addicted to YouTube, hoping to become a youtuber themselves. Having aspirations at such a young age is great and to be self-motivated to learn how to use adobe is splendid. Now more and more people want in and all you need is dedication and 100,000+ followers on social media. It can’t be that hard right? Yet it is harder than it looks, it takes time as it is a full-time career after all. 

So is there room for more bloggers? I believe there is, there is a vast number of brands out there expanding their budgets for advertising through social media, as it reaches such a vast audience in the most effective way. After all if anyone thought like that, no one would ever make it. There is always more than one person going for the same job as you. If any clothing company or designer thought like that, we wouldn’t have all the options we do. People succeed because they put the work in and deserve it, no matter how hard or long it takes. 

To conclude, do what you want to do, even if other people are doing it, as long as it makes you happy. People are doing thousands of the same jobs because more than one person will be interested in the same thing. There shouldn’t be a fear of copying or that you won’t make it since everyone is different and has their own style. I am sure there are so many similar scenarios in the world, where there are several people at a job interview going for that one job. There will always be someone out there, that is a little bit better than you or has a slight advantage over you. However as long as you don’t squash anyone down to get ahead and remain yourself, that will be recognised. You can only do it for yourself. If someone ever tells you that you can’t, just remember they do not know what you are capable of, only you know that.  

I believe in doing what you want to do, even if there are so many other people doing it. Your individuality and personality will stand out as no one is the same. 


Love Tishhlah x

Jacket // H&M
Jumper // H&M
Skirt // New Look
Boots // Miss Pap
Necklace // Tiffany

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